I'm a post art school cliche. I have been laying low with my art career- but that phrasing is really just a way to flatter and trick myself, because "laying low" implies an intention to do so, and if I was being perfectly honest "my art career" would be shown just that way... in quotations. As in: fake.
There were times last year that I really thought I would be something big. It was easy to get wrapped up in my "work" (it's in quotations now, but back then it really existed). Why have I unraveled? Do I need to be more rigid with my time? Do I need to schedule studio hours for myself and not make any other plans within those time frames? Seems so impossible!
I have a boyfriend who I adore and feel lucky to even be in the presence of. I have a full time job in retail that I actually enjoy on the daily and that balances responsibility, creativity, and fun. I have a studio apartment in what I think is the best neighborhood in one of the best cities of America. I am happy! But this is so far from the life I imagined for myself.
No one can change things for me. I'm not working on a commission painting tonight (my first free night in the last, I don't know, ever?) because I don't have sandpaper to sand the gesso before painting the canvas a purple I plan to make between merlot and aubergine. Am I kidding myself? I'm not making any art because I don't have sandpaper for this one specific piece. That is ridiculous! I am pathetic- what am I afraid of?!
(This entry came to life because the web hosting plan I tried to sign up with this evening bills you yearly instead of monthly so I couldn't complete the registration. Because I don't have $150 in my bank account, but $5.95/month I could swing.) I thought: "Well I guess I'll have to make do with what I have-- blogspot!"Then I checked gmail, facebook, Massart webmail, and every other site I'm registered to before admitting I've been avoiding my blog because I have no "real" artistic updates and I'm embarrassed about not updating it in months.
I sense this type of feeling is common amongst artists. Well there's no time like the present to stop annoying myself and make a change.
Here is the painting that made me want to be an artist:
Here is the painting that made me decide to go to college for art:
Here is the painting I painted my freshman year of college that made me decide to major in painting after weeks stressing over what to major in:
Here is the painting that I was so satisfied with my senior year of college, I basically gave up making art after it was finished:
Remember I said that after art school you would feel as if you've fallen off a cliff? You've fallen. But you CAN get up. The climb makes muscles, metaphorically speaking, and those "muscles" are what will keep you moving in your career for the next 50 years.
ReplyDeleteGet a crit group together; you'll have to make new work for it. Organize a support group of artists newly out of art school. Most of them are in the same ravine right about now. Share info and ideas; see if you can put together a DIY show show somewhere. Can't find a bricks-and-mortar space? Create an online exhibition. Given your work, a reasonable theme could be "flow."
Good luck!